Monday 26 October 2009

HELP THE VIRGIN!

Algra Holdings Plc is proud to sponsor 'likeavirgin.com', in which several 40 something ladies will have the opportunity to advertise online through our website and meet like minded individuals.

More on this breaking story as soon as we've made it up.

Saturday 3 October 2009

ALGRA promises to gently clean up the streets

By our Crime correspondent... Laura Norder

ALGRA holdings plc have today pledged to rid our streets of crime in a £50 billion campaign to clean up Great Britain, wiping the filth from our streets and making it safe once again for old ladies to walk unmolested in this once great nation.

In the first of a six part plan, all the prisons in the UK will be set on fire by the victims of crime and secondly, the city of Manchester and its inhabitants, will be destroyed by surprise controlled detonation.

Our aim is to rid this land of the scourge of filth and corruption infesting our streets, said Jim Nasium, the head of ALGRA International (Fiji) Plc. We will start with the Labour Government, as they got us into this mess.

Stage 3 is the systematic annihilation of anyone that we don't like, or who has a 'funny' face. This leads to step 4, which involves the nuclear destruction of Hull.

Finally, step 5, will be harsh laws, brought in to adopt a new system in the UK, where everyone is equal, except for those of you we don't like, and who have failed to have to have been terminated in step 3, in which case you will be tied up in a black bag and dumped in the Channel.

Finally finally, step 6: the final solution, where anyone failing to comply with the new regime will be shot. No more soft sentences, no more lousy do gooding lefty human rights campaigners, no more out of touch judges. Repeat offenders will be dealt with swiftly and harshly. Hanging is for a first offence, followed by drawing and quartering, and that's just for dropping a crisp packet out of a window.